It’s difficult enough being a new parent without the stress of Dad being in prison. Mum coping alone at home – with the help of family and friends if she’s lucky – and Dad not being able to do anything to help – no bonding with his new baby, and no chance to do those little things or see important milestones. You don’t need me to tell you how this can change his relationship with the child for ever.
With up to 435 men at Swansea Prison, there are quite a number of young men whose babies are born whilst they are inside. After speaking with them and their partners, we put forward a proposal to the prison for a parent and baby group, held once a fortnight, focussing on bonding and baby skills.
The Baby Massage Group Begins…
The Prison agreed to a three month trial period. And so Baby Group began. The group was advertised to prisoners and visitors; interested families were checked by relevant authorities to make sure that such contact was appropriate. The criteria was that the baby should be under one and Dad should have an ongoing relationship with the baby’s mother. We have between four and six couples in the group at any one time and, importantly, the Mum’s don’t need a visiting order to be able to come. Once they’re in the group, the couples can continue to attend until the end of the Dad’s sentence, although they’re free to leave at any time.
Three months in, we are at the end of our pilot period and the group is highly successful, so much so that it has been extended for another year. A typical session begins with some relaxed bonding time, in which Mum shows Dad how to feed the baby, helps him to change the nappy and updates him on the child’s progress since the last time they met. We have song and rhyme time, reading and discussion, and have even had a bathing session, but it’s the baby massage that has been the core element of the group.
At first the Dads were awkward and embarrassed. They struggled to undress their baby, unsure how to deal with the wriggling, squalling little beings in their lap. They were hesitant and frequently looked to the baby’s mother for assistance and reassurance. Their strokes were cold and formal, they were nervous about being watched and judged. They were terrified of doing something wrong, of hurting their fragile baby and of looking ‘soft’ in front of their peers.
The Effects of The Baby Massage Group…
A few weeks later, the Dads couldn’t be more different. They handle their babies confidently, are familiar with their bodies and have begun to understand their little quirks. “He’s tired†one Dad informed me as his baby curled up and started fiddling with his toes, “he always does that when he’s tiredâ€. Watching for cues and states, asking permission and respecting their baby’s reactions have introduced them to being a father. Their massage has become warm and tender, and they are able to tell when their baby has had enough.
In addition, regular members are helping new members to learn the strokes and there is a very positive, friendly atmosphere in the group. Dads comment on how powerful it is and how much they enjoy it, and Mums are astonished at the difference in their partner’s bond with the baby. The whole ethos of the baby massage is hugely important and has been embraced by Mums, Dads, babies and staff. This atmosphere has been achieved through lots of positive encouragement, praise and reassurance; a belief in the worth of every attendee and their ability to be a good parent. I have also been lucky enough to have the assistance of a warm and empathetic prison officer, who is encouraging and supportive with the families. Having someone who believes in the value of this approach has been very important, as it would not have gone ahead without them.
I’m looking forward to the next year; we are working on links with the community so that they are able to continue the skills that they have learned when they are released. We’ve also started to take Social Services referrals and are looking at having a volunteer dedicated to developing the group and taking it forward. We’ve had one or two comments from outside agencies that it’s not appropriate to encourage parents to bring their babies into the prison, but we consider that the relationship between Dad and his family is more important and long-lasting than the venue.
Expecting a man to leave prison, walk out and be a perfect new father is unrealistic, but by helping them to build bonds with their baby and partner before they go, we are hopefully setting them on the right road.
About Joanne – The Swansea Baby Massage Group Leader
This article was written by Joanne Mulcahy is a Family Support Co-ordinator, who has kindly given us her permission to publish this piece here on our blog. She is employed by a London-based charity called Pact (the Prison Advice and Care Trust) to improve family support at the prison. She can be contacted on 01792 485392 or by e-mail at joanne.mulcahy@prisonadvice.org.uk